oh, revenge is sweet my friends the open mockeryi received from you guys in the form of a play is coming back to bite you on the behinds today. i heard you were a great fireman. no. i'm an actor on television. [ laughter ] are we gonna do a musical? you're not doing a musical.
i figured the only way to teach you guys what it means to be a fireman is to put you through the fire academy. i have selected for each of youyo is this healthy? breathe it in, boys! my hands are already dirty! it's the smell of pride! do you have any wet "naps"? let's just get this started.
all right, boys. one of the most important things you can do with a fire is vent the roof. you cut a hole in that roof, all that heat and noxious gases just goes right up. very important. are going to attempt to vent a roof today. okay. now, because we're friendsand because i love you,
i'm going to allow you to pick which hole you want to cut, joe. does it matter?is there a difference? all right, show joe his options, please. my wife and the dogs? that's one option. let's see door number two, please. well, there's your daughter, joe, so... murr: look at her face.
you can't put an ax through that face. it's a "jophie's choice." it's likedo you burn down the factory, or do you throw out the bad product? i don't know which. 'cause i could always makeanother one of these with this. come on, joe.heat's building right? q: no. she remembers everything,so i'm just gonna go... oh, my god. from this angle, it's not as easy.
she's looking right in my face! q: come on, buddy! fire's building! she's not gonna have eyesin two seconds. no! i can't watch. oh, my god. come on! get it up! oh! i'm sorry! there's men dying inside! -come on. -there's men dying!
-yeah! vent that building! -i'm sorry! i'm so sorry! you don't have to do it right between the eyes every time! you could have done, like, by the side, by the stroller. now you're making me look like a bad father. i'm sorry! i'm so sorry! i'm sorry. i'm sorry. they're making me do it. it's a stupid show.
i don't mean it. i love you with all my heart. i'm sorry. oh, oh [bleep] n down. well, murr's up. yeah, literally. murray! you still afraid of heights? murr: yes. all right,well, you got to rappel
down the side of the building, my friend. if i just tell you nowi respect you, is that enough? no, you can tell me when you get down. oh, my god! this is not good, q.i can't do it. no, murr,it was a funny play, though, you made me singin front of the firehouse. it was funny. is this tight? is this tied?
let go. , buddy. [bleep] me. sal: dude, just walk down, pal. joe: walk down. -oh, my god! -oh! he lost a boot! he lost... my boot fell! aah! no, get off me!
[ s sloppy joe! -sloppy joe! -sloppy joe. -you got it! no! aah! aah! [ screaming ] stop squirting me! this is not funny! oh, yeah, this is also revenge for the time you made meeat the back of my jeep.
murr: oh! it's fat crow?! q: it's fat crow! he came to save the day! fat crow! what's up, buddy? thanks, fat crow. who is this? no! no! get away from my ass! [bleep]
it's the doctorwho gave murr a prostate exam. no! no! get away! quick feet, murr! quick feet! i don't need it! watch your ass, murr! murr: my -- get away from my ass! he's got him like some sort of perverted piã±ata. [ breathing heavily ] all right,very proud of you boys so far.
joe: we're doing great, huh? then there was one. ready for this, sal? yeah. oh! sal! sal, my cat's stuck in a tree! you have to save her! it's like that, huh? oh! he runs!he runs into action!
joe: of course he's chasing after that! wow! please,you have to save fluffy. murr: oh, no! oh, no! a cat in a tree! oh [bleep] woman: please! murr: ah! it's a cat in here? well,that's a good question. what's this right here?
oh! no, no, no, no. no, no, no, no!-genius genius. sal: [ laughs ] ohh. murr: what? the cat is gonna burn. joe: this is six stories. it was a funny playyou guys wrote about me. q: there you go. all right, you ready, buddy? joe: here we go, sal.
murr: come on you can do it! hey, i'm brian. very nice to meet you. nice to meet you. thank you for the help today. i'm a real fireman. really? yeah. cool.i know. here he goes. don't stop. don't look down.
-i c-- i can't do this. -hold the ladder. -that's it. yeah.-that's where you hold. -right there. hold. -i know, but i can't do it. sal: guys, i-i can't do it. q: just the rungs. lesson. you want to get down? get down! what are you gonna do right now? whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
-aah! -son of a bitch. joe: sal, why didn't you go?! murr: why couldn't you climb the damn ladder?! what the [bleep] is going on? buddy,i didn't think you were really gonna be able to do this. you didn't? yeah, i just wanted to teach youa little bit about respect. it ain't easy getting a catout of a tree, is it?
no. [ all screaming ] aah! you... ow! -all right! all right!-all right! all right! -we -- we respect you! -we respect you! -that could be the start of it. -thank you! that's all i wanted boys.
